Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
