The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
