We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
