So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
