I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
