Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You made out with two different species that night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
