Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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