Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
