your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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