Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
