Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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