I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
