Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
