It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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