pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
