Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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