She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
