ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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