I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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