apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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