he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
