i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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