I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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