what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
