i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
