she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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