My Higher Power is John Stamos
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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