i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
