it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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