life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My sheets look like a crime scene.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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