it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
