How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
