Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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