My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
