I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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