Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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