after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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