He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
