and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
