I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
