I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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