I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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