There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
