she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
