I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
