I puked a lego.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wear drunk well.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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