Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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