Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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