so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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