I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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