i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
