Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
