My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
