Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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