i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
lets start a swedish sibling band together
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
